““I want to be able to capture the vulnerability of a soul whose body has been touched but not scarred by shame.””
Photo by Kierra Jenaé Johnson
Making Peace with My Body, Post-Abortion
Back in 2017, the homie & outstanding artist Adrian Octavious Walker was working for VSCO in Oakland’s office. At the time, VSCO offered Open Studio sessions where creatives could apply for free studio space for photo shoots. I don’t exactly remember where the idea to do these types of portraits came from but I knew I wanted to document my healing journey & make peace with my body, as it was, in the present moment. In my application, I wrote:
I am working on a book of poems about my abortion that will be released August 31, 2018. I want to create a photo series that focuses on the changes my body has undergone in the two years since then and that highlight some of the literal & metaphorical pain points. I feel like as women, we rarely see our bodies and ourselves in moments or really stages/seasons of vulnerability and want to work to change that.
I reached out to Kierra J. Johnson, a friend & outstanding artist, for the shoot. Via email, I wrote to Kierra,“I want the photos to have a raw, penetrating and candid gaze. I want to be able to capture the vulnerability of a soul whose body has been touched but not scarred by shame…”
Later I wrote, “I'm defffffffinitely going to cry during this shoot, which is fine. I need to. Need to let go. Release negative energy.”
On the day of the shoot, Kierra & Adrian morphed into Auntie Ki & Uncle A. Uncle A was running around VSCO making sure that I wasn’t seen all (nearly) nekkid by his co-workers & wandering eyes.
Before we got started, Auntie Ki sat me down on the ground, lit a candle & suggested we take some deep breaths. I think that’s when I started crying & didn’t stop for awhile. At one point, I was literally bent over, sobbing.
After maybe an hour or so went by, Uncle A popped his head around his guardian curtains to tell us that there was pizza for lunch. The three of us sat & ate, I think not really saying much, but I can’t quite remember.
A little while later, we resumed. This time, there were no tears. When I got home, I was trying to do something in my room but quickly became overwhelmed & ended up lying on the floor, looking up at the ceiling. Grief poured out of me that day.
Looking back, I see a version of myself who was hurting yet still very much committed to healing. It’s an honor to share these photos with you all.
Please be advised: The photos within the gallery are emotionally visceral, contain partial nudity & may trigger an emotional and/or physical reaction. If you choose to engage with the gallery, we invite you to take deep breaths throughout.
Photos by Kierra Jenaé Johnson • VSCO Open Studio • 12 July 2018 • Oakland, CA
Photo by Kierra Jenaé Johnson